Tribune-Herald
April 23, 1991
Now for some balanced coverage on Channel 8
John Young
Editorial page editor
(Drumroll, orchestra) “It’s News 8 at 10! With Tracy Rowlett and Chip Moody! Troy Dungan with the weather! Dale Hansen on sports! And now, News 8!”
“Good evening, everyone. Tracy and Chip are on assignment tonight. I’m the newest member of the News 8 team, Vic Feazell.
“Tracy and Chip are assigned to the Feazell home in Waco. Tracy’s washing the car and Chip’s doing the yardwork.
“I’ll be News 8 host, owner and station manager from now on. And also watch Sundays at 10 a.m. for “Vic Feazell’s Gospel, Good Looks and Country Music Hour.”
“Now for the news. The Texas legal community is still abuzz over the $58 million libel judgment awarded to me-Vic Feazell-purported to be the largest such judgment ever.
“Gov. Ann Richards has ordered the Texas Department of Public Safety to seal the state line to blunt the flow of plaintiffs’ attorneys flooding into Texas after the judgment.
“Plaintiffs’ attorneys have been arriving at a rate of 10,000 per hour at Dallas/Fort-Worth International Airport.
“The entire litigation team from the German law firm Einz, Beinz & Treinz has hijacked a TransGlobal flight from Bonn to D/FW.
“Eighteen attorneys were discovered dehydrated and hungry when abandoned in the back of a moving van at the border at Laredo.
“The flood of attorneys from the north has doubled the population of tiny Texline, which has been declared a disaster area.
“To feed and clothe these civil litigators. We’ve set up a fund here at WFAA. Please send a check to “Save the Attorneys,’ in care of WFAA and me-Vic Feazell.
Sunny skies for Vic
“Well, we’ve got a lot of weather to report, so let’s get down to it. What’s up, Troy?”
“Thanks, Vic. And may I say – and Tracy will vouch for me – we at Channel 8 have always held you in the highest regard.
“Well, I hope viewers enjoy this lovely footage of a rainbow in the Waco area. If you’ll notice, there at the extreme left our camera captured the rainbow’s end – and…
“Hey, that’s Tracy washing Vic’s car!
“I’ve got to tell you, Vic, there are spring storms and flash floods everywhere. But over your house skies are blue.
“Let’s look at the color radar of the Waco area to show you what I mean. Right here in bright red is an intense band of mortification from upper-crust Feazell haters. Over here in pulsing violet are Feazell worshipers.
“And right here – this little spot that’s glowing in bright, U.S. currency green. Isn’t that where you live, Vic?
My goodness, that’s right. That green must mean Chip’s doing a good job on the shrubs. Thanks, Troy. Now, over to Dale Hansen.”
Rickey, Rocket Underpaid
“Thanks, big guy. You’re my favorite ex-Waco D.A. and I mean that. And who would you figure tops the headlines in the world of sports today, but? You guessed it –Vic Feazell.
“The Feazell judgment has had a ripple effect throughout the sporting world. Rickey Henderson has walked out again on the Oakland A’s demanding to have ‘Feazell-like’ numbers in his contract.
“Boston’s Roger Clemens, baseball’s highest paid player, said he will travel to Waco immediately to find out ‘what assortment of pitches this Feazell guy has.’
“And in football, Raghib ‘Rocket’ Ismail is demanding that the Toronto Argonauts renegotiate his $26 million contract. Ismail said, “It’s unfair to be receiving less than half of what this Feazell is getting.
“I can return punts and catch passes.’ Rocket said. ‘All this Feazell guy did was drop-kick some TV station.'’
“That’s sports. Back to you, Vic.”
“Thanks, Dale. That’s all the time we have tonight. Stay tuned for ‘ABC News Nightline’ where I’m sitting in for Ted Koppel.
“In the meantime, honk if you own Channel 8.”
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